In Conflict? Get Off the Correction Spiral

To kill pride and weaken your defensive posture when disagreeing or fighting with a loved one, get off the correction spiral. In other words, don’t correct them right away. That often leads to them correcting you back right away. And you go back and forth spiraling upwards in heat with less and less light.

The person may not be 100% accurate. Or even 50%. They may have chosen the wrong time to make their point. They may be missing what you perceive to be the primary or major point in the situation. That’s ok. You can come back to it later if it’s a loved one because your relationship with them will go longer than this particular moment. If there’s anything that you can get from their comments or correction right now, then take it with gladness. Grow.

This is what James by the Holy Spirit commands: “My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1.19). Slow to speak and quick to hear go hand in hand. So get off the correction spiral. Don’t speak to defend or nuance or correct. Just listen. Not only to the person, but to God in that moment. The reason: “for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. Therefore, ridding yourselves of all moral filth and evil, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save you” (James 1.20-21). Listen without speaking to obey God in righteousness. This is a form of killing sin and humbly receiving God’s implanted word. James is probably speaking about God’s Word that we are to be quick to hear and slow to speak back to (James 1.18). But this also helps in conflict with others. The Lord humbles and teaches me when I choose to not speak back quickly but hear the person and hear from the Lord as to what I should do with what that person said.

The good news is that God is gracious and accepts you in Christ Jesus. You are justified as you are united to the Lord Jesus by faith alone. Therefore, you don’t have to prove yourself in that moment. You can rest in Christ. Draw near to him. And receive the correction in conflict to grow. There is a time to correct. But that comes later. And slower. Right now it’s time to listen, and to listen quickly.

[tweetthis]This is where we meet Jesus in conflict: Off the correction spiral. [/tweetthis]

This is where we meet Jesus in conflict: Off the correction spiral.

Have you been able to grow through conflict? Leave a comment. How do you handle conflict in a way that draws you near to Jesus? How does the gospel help you deal with being corrected in a conversation?

Prayer Requests for My 2016 Birthday

I already received some birthday greetings from those in the Philippines. Thank you so much. The greetings are a blessing and an expression of your love.

For some, God may be moving to do more than greet me. And God knows I need the love of others in my life. The best thing you can do is pray to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (based on his name and righteousness alone) for me. Here are some ways you can pray for me:

1. Ministry request: Pray that God would give me problems that I cannot solve. This will help me  trust God and not myself for life and ministry.

2. Family request: Pray that I would enjoy my kids daily as I seek their joy in Christ Jesus. Childhood is flying by and memories are made just as quickly as opportunities are lost.

3. Personal request: Pray that I would humbly seek God in his Word and prayer while I also openly confessing sins to God and my church family. I desire to abide in Christ Jesus deeply. Pray that I would flee secrecy and excuse-making and instead humbly cling to the cross in repeated repentance and trust.

Two other ways the Lord might lead you to tangibly bless me is (1) by babysitting my kids at my place so I can take my wife on a date (if I and my wife both know you well enough and trust you with our kids) and/or (2) giving a donation to help with my doctoral studies in Biblical Theology. You can read my reasons for going back to school here.

You can let me know you’re willing to babysit and set a date by emailing me at pj@gospelize.me.

You can give online (or mail a check to First Southern Baptist Church, 10010 Somerset Blvd, Bellflower, CA 90706) to support my doctoral studies.

Thank you for the birthday greetings everyone!